arli

okay so i just wrote a blog yesterday (monday) about how im ready to get back on track and im gonna stock my fridge with good for me foods and all that good stuff….now here i sit… 1:30 am Tuesday night/Wednesday morning….with a full belly because i overindulged….okay so i made chili last night and tried to make it healthier by not having so much meat in it or noodles….i did this and ate 2 huge bowls with crackers and cheese on it…wow…how ridiculous am i…and then this morning i finished it off before work and i also ate some rice snacks…then i went to work and brought home some italian wedding soup with turkey meatballs and a wrap with chicken, caesar dressing, parm cheese, and tomato….geesh…then that wasnt enough…so i ate tortilla chips with cheese melted on top and an apple and some olives and some more rice snacks and some almonds…omg!

when does this addiction stop?

welll…im just gonna let myself do what i do….and continue to write about it because i feel i get somewhere when i at least write about it and stop acting like it never happened…its a lot easier to pretend im fine than to write about how not fine i am hah.

ok…so i may not have the most inspiring blogs around but at least im getting out how i feel…whether its feeling shitty or accomplished or wonderful or whatever it may be….it may take me longer to get back into the swing of things than i thought…but if thats what it is then thats what it is…

oh…and tracey went home on the biggest loser tonight….i was quite happy about that…because she just got on my nerves and it wasnt because she played the game it was because she lied to people and won over their trust….if you know you are there to play the game then flat out say it but you dont need to betray peoples trust…and also…playing the game the way you did wasnt exactly the smartest because playing the game got you sent home whereas if you treated people the way youd wanna be treated you may have stayed longer,….duh….not rocket science lady!

ok im done with that….but i was shocked at how much more weight she lost at home…she looked amazing!

welp….let me start out by saying I have gained five pounds…I am very angry at myself for this happening again…im over it…i eat pizza as a meal at least 2 times per week….i snack on potato chips and tortilla chips with dip…ive been drinking regular sodas….not even diet…i havent been drinking much water at all…i feel dehydrated…i feel like shit….and im the worst stress eater ever…i use food to help me with my stress and i do it subconsciously….until im not so stressed anymore and then i dont need food as much and then i realize that all this time i was eating crazily and now that i have enough money to pay bills and still have some fun then i dont need food as much…is it bad to wish that i had a different addiction…like i was watching sex rehab with dr drew last night and wished i had that addiction instead of foood but im sure they wish they had food addiction instead of sex im sure…i dunno…its all just a vicious cycle…and im so sick of feeling like crap…and the weird thing is…im almost comfortable with my weight lately but i just feel like crap all the time….like i have no energy at all and when im done eating im like dead because i ate so much……..grrrrrrrrrr fooooood!!!!!!!!

ok…so lets catch up…

i no longer work for dominos…now i have a job at a place called Zoup! which serves soups salads and sandwiches….they have lots of healthy soups to choose from and healthy salads and i can make up my own healthy sandwich because they dont have any on the menu that are healthy…i mean they are healthy compared to a big mac but you know what i mean…anyways…its delicious…and i get half off my meal for working there….im excited abut everything….im getting the hours i need there and at maui wowi…im paying bills easily and having money left over to buy groceries and see movies and stuff like that….so i do plan on going grocery shopping after work today and stocking up on some fruits and veggies which have been lacking in my diet badly lately and i need to stop buying sodas and just get water….and i need to eat some chicken….yummmy…chicken….and i need to use my crock pot more so if anyone knows of any crock pot meals that are wonderful let me know….ya…ive been working a lot lately….i have worked 12 days straight now and have another 7 days this week….needless to say i need a damn day off…that will happen on november 9th because it will be my birthday that day….yahoo…big 23!!! haha…ok…and not that anyone really wants to hear this about me but when i am not on my birth control pill im really really really really overly horny hahahahaa……does anyone else have this happen to them?  my birth control pills seem to control my hormones to the point where sex isnt that big of a deal…i mean ya every once in awhile im like man i need sex but most of the time im just like sex…its good but i dont have to have it…..and when im off my pill i want sex always…i think about it a lot more and i even look at other people and think i want to have sex with them altho i never would because i have my wonderful boyfriend…but u know….

ok…welp thats all there is to say right now…

so far ive had a bottle of water today and a wheat bagel with lite cream cheese…ill be counting my calories today…and will have totals later….see yall! its good to be back

welp the title says it all…thats what i ate last night for dinner…it had to have put at least one pound on me…eeek!

i sauteed garlic in butter with some red chili flakes….then i threw in probably 3 cups of cooked thin spaghetti and tossed it all together and poured it into my favorite bowl and i buttered some dinner rolls threw em in the oven and then buttered em some more when they came outta the oven…wow….i probably ate 1/2 stick of butter all by myself…omg!

then if that wasnt enough i made rice krispie treats…now i did not overindulge in those because if you know me sweets arent my thing…i usually only eat one serving of those…but pasta is totally my thing so i almost always over indulge…oh well…its over now.

this morning i have had a tea with orange and raspberry syrup from work in it…but only 1 oz. so thats not terrible and i had 3/4 of a plain bagel with 1/2 of my cream cheese container…its real small….like 2 tbsp…..and a small rice krispie treat…i brought my lunch to work today so that i wouldnt be starving by the time i got home….its one of those fresh mixers from healthy choice with the pasta and marinara that you cook with a microwave…hopefully its tasty…its got 300 calories and 7 grams of dietary fiber which im a fan of…so i want to like it!

ive been stressed out with money again lately and wish i would  be able to get more hours at maui wowi…but i know dominos and maui wowi both will start picking up in the fall and will be slammed in the winter so maybe i should enjoy this time right now…but its hard when you have so much debt…ugh…what have i done to myself…o well…i saw a sign at a tire store yesterday that said…”once you realize youve dug yourself a hole..the first step is to stop digging” and it spoke to me when it comes to my debt….its like i keep using my credit card on little items and pretend that its nothing but it turns into something when you use it on little things 5 times a month ya know?   so ive decided to stop digging…so i can slowly get out of the hole…i know its gonna take me about 5 years…but im ok with that…and soon i need to decide what i want to go to school for….either realty, business, or food service management/culinary arts…i want to be a realtor badly but i dont want to get into a career that i wont be successful with…which is possible with the market how it is now….the practical thing would be business and thats what my mom thinks i should do….and then the culinary arts/food service management is what i ve wanted to do for soo long but i know the lifestyle i would live with that career and its not what i want….i want to be able to spend time with my family once i create one and with that you dont get much time……

ok…so soon im going to be back to counting calories, fat, saturated fat, and dietary fiber…and im going to get strict again and thats probably going to be when the biggest loser starts…because its my motivation…make fun of me .. criticize me…whatever…thats what gets me on track…its silly but it does!

welp i guess i should do some stuff at work even though theres a very limited amount of what needs to be done so im trying to hold off on it til the last hour so it will go really fast…blah…good day buddies!

welp…it is 9:45 am on Wednesday September 2.

I woke up this morning feeling kind of excited about life and even excited about coming to work today…it is weird how it is like that sometimes…but its like i can do the same things every day of my life….like wake up in the mornin and listen to my favorite radio station on my way to my maui wowi job and get to work and brew coffee and put little umbrellas into lids and take half of the straw wrapper off the straws and keep things clean and brew espresso and be nice to my customers and serve them proud and bla bla bla…some days i dread every second of it and some days i have such a wonderful outlook on my day…i dont know what it is that makes those days good though….o well…

welp this mornin before work i went to mcdonalds…great idea eh? i got a sausage mcgriddles with cheese 2 hashbrowns and a diet coke…has any one ever noticed that their diet coke is better than any other diet coke or is it just me? anyways….i ate every morsel…and now i feel sick and now my wonderful outlook on my day doesnt exist…dangit! its all mcdonalds fault!

also i counted my calories on it and it added up to 770 calories…omg!!!!!!!!! thats insane! some people eat breakfast from there everyday…770 calories in their first meal of the day everyday…thats nuts….

ok anyways…im making myself accountable again…even if im doing terrible im putting my calories up on here…welp…ill talk to yall later…i gotta work til 4…and im going to be soooo bored! the mall is dead lately….and we are located in the mall….so that means were dead!

ok…see yall!

its been almost a month since ive last posted but it feels like a year…

i weighed in the other day at 247.9 so that made me feel a little bit better about things…but i have not been healthy at all…ive not been eating my fruits and veggies and have resorted back to eating out and eating pre made freezer food…i have taken alll of that hard work and reversed it…luckily i did not gain in the process but i have lost some of the habits that i gained in this process and i am deeply disappointed in my self…and no matter how many times i get on here and tell yall that im ready to be a loyal buddyslimmer and an obese girl who is going to change her life around…it never seems to work out that way and so im just not going to say that anymore.

im just going to live my life the best way i can…and blah

ya right even that statement was a lie because the best i can do is eat healthy and exercise and who knows when my ass is going to get back into gear and do that.

i did see the biggest loser preview the other night and i got extremely excited…i would really like to get back on track when the biggest loser starts because it motivates me weekly to stop being lazy and get active…i am pretty sure that i will definitely get back to it by the time it starts…yay

also the other day i went to a bridal shower with my mom and grandma and my grandma asked me if i lost weight and i said yes and she said how much and i said a little over 20 and she said “well i thought it was at least 20″ so i was excited about that…yay for people noticing…thats always my favorite thing about losing weight is seeing my family after i havent seen them for a few months and they tell me i look good…cool

ok…well i also have a wedding to go to in october and i have a goal to lose another 8 pounds by then…so hopefully that will get me going to have a goal like that!

OH YA I FORGOT TO TELL YOU!

When i started this journey i was wearing a size 24 jeans and the other day i bought 2 new pairs of a size 20 jean!!!!! i was so happy it was ridiculous!

okeedoke…so i got everything out that i wanted to get out…im at work right now bored to death…but i guess ill get back to work and be productive now!

oh and my fruit flies are gone after way too long…but oh well they r gone and thats what matters…!

and i cant wait for fall because it is my favorite time of the year and it makes me realllly happy….the other day we had a glimpse of fall and i was so happy…i opened all the windows and i got some candles with fall scents…like pumpkin spice and mulled cider…and my house felt breezy and fresh and yay!!!!!

i dont like summer….i like fall and winter…im strange but oh well…i dont like heat and humidity and i prefer cloudy breezy warmish cool days….awww…fallll

hey buddies…its been ahwile since i have written a blog or visited other blogs…ive been a little depressed with myself…and my house has been infected with fruit flies and my laundry was like a month old…..ive eaten nothing but fast food lately…work has been extremely frustrating….and ive been too lazy to go to the gym for over 2 or 3 weeks now…something like that…

so…where do i begin? okay lets talk fruit flies….okay…seriously…i hope none of you buddies have ever had to go through a fruit fly infestation in your home because you were too damn lazy to take your trash out or do your dishes or whatever….omg!!! it is so ridiculous how annoying this has been!

okay…i wuld guess i have over 2000 fruit flies in my house….it started about 2 weeks ago…but i thought i had gotten em all to pretty much go away….i had left some fruit fly traps in my kitchen…which by the way all you have to do is put some apple cider vineagr in the bottom of a cup…then make a funnel out of paper and stick it into the cup…make sure the bottom of the funnel does not touch the vinegar and make sure the sides of the cup and the funnel are tightly sealed…then you just sit back and watch swarms and swarms of fruit flies fly into the cup…and mostly get stuck…some wantto stay on the funnel and never go into the cup….those make me angry…sometimes i throw a plastic bag over them and catch them and im like HAHA! GOTCHA! anyways…ya…you dont wanna know how many cups full i had the first time…at least ten…and it took me about 3 days to get them down to like 5 that i could see….so anyways…i was so happy and felt so accomplished until about 3 days ago when i discovered they were coming back…i was soooo mad! and i was like how could this be? i cleaned everything….well i stepped into my cousins bedroom and she had alllll kindsa dirty dishes and there were tons of flies in her room and i was PISSED! she did her dishes and all of them left her room and went into the bathroom and throughout the house and the kitchen…omg!!!!! so i would say i had about 3 times the amount of fruit flies this time because i was to tired to come home and clean….and my stepsister visited this weekend and i wanted to spend time with her….so ya….today i was off work and i set traps in the kitchen and the bathroom and all ive been doing pretty much all day is cleaning cleaning cleaning and taking out cup after cup full of fruit flies…ewwww! i noticed i can spray them with windex and they fall onto the counter or floor or whatever and then i smash em with a paper towel too so i have been sniffing windex all day and now i have a very bad headache…i also poured ammonia down the drains just in case they were living outta the drain!

okay….so i have noticed through this experience that i do not do well on diet and exercise when my life or house is in shambles….why is that? why do i let something that has nothing to do with my health actually start affecting my health? i hate that! its like anytime things arent very in place with me i lose track of myself….and i let myself get stressed out and stuff….grr! i wish i wasnt so human haha…

i did get laundry done at my moms a few days ago thank goodness….it was awful how long id gone without washing clothes…its just soo annoying to take my clothes to my moms house….today i invested in a pretty large hamper and im going to try to do my laundry every time that hamper gets full instead of waiting until every piece of clothing i own has been worn at least 3 times….gross…i know!

i did not have fast food today but i still didnt have healthy food….i made myself a cheeseburger….and my moms cheesy potato casserole and i had some donuts and pecan shortbread cookies for dessert….not good…thats all i had but still not good at all!

i have also noticed how dehydrated i used to be when i drank sodas all the time….every morning ive been waking up with the worst dry mouth ever….and ive been super duper thirsty lately and i figured out its because ive been drinking a lota diet sodas lately….so im back to my water….yum!

okay and so to my fellow buddies thank you so much for your support and the messages and all that you all have left me…they have been wonderful…i didnt realize so many people would realize i wasnt writing blogs lately….but yall did and that amazes me and makes me feel supported! thank you!

okay so thursday im soooo going to grocery shop and get back to my healthy eating as much as i can….and try once again to stay on track…

gnight buddies i have an ammonia headache and must take a shower and head to the bed….thanks again!

ok…so no my do-over was not successful…ive been pretty much eating whatever i want and how ever much i want…ive done horrible…i dont even know why either but i just dont even hardly care…i have notgained since ive been eating what i want…im waiting forthat one pound to creep up on me and make me realize that i cant keep doing what im doing…i hate this feeling…before i was feeling like i was gonna continue the way i was until christmas…flawlessly and then after christmas i could take a slight break and maintain my weight for a bit and then get strict again…and here i am…3 months in…not even close to christmas and i already feltthe need to maintain my weight and eat more….why?!?! i hate it! i dont know what to do….itsreallly easy to say “arli you can do it just hang in there” and stuff like that….but i dont feel like i can do it…i knowi can but its like i have no desire to right now….this sucks..

YAHOO buddies! when i hopped on that scale this morning it said 248.3!!!! just yesterday it said 250.5…so yay!

awesome!

and you know what caused that weight loss mostly? the fact that i exercised and burned all those calories thats fer sure! i always underestimate the power of a workout when it comes to weight loss….i know now that thats the reason ive been having this slump….ive just been too damn lazy to exercise….and now ive been there and done that and im over it….this week im exercising every other day….so today i will have a day off from working out and tomorow i go back!

so…i counted my calories….i know im guilty as charged….but ya…atthe end of the day i just couldnt help it and i counted them…..i didnt do so great….i had about 2350 calories…yucky! not good at all! and i will tell you why….at about 10 or 11 last night after working out and stuff my boyfriend was goin to wendys to get a burger….and i said well im thirsty can we please go to the gas station next door to wendys so we went and i was super hungry becauzse my veggies i made last night turned out horrible…ive decided im not a squash and zucchini kinda girl….they became like slimy…ewww i hated it! so i ate a bit to try and get it down but it was nasty….so ya…i was real hungry and when i went into the gas station to get a drink i also got some buffalo hot wing flavored pretzel nuggets and some pecan shortbread sandies….i thought they were such small packages that it couldnt be so horrible….but sure enough each package was 500 calories…that amazes me…dang how do you even fit 500 calories in such a small package haha! geesh! so anyways…that wasnt the greatest thing and im sure i could have lost a little more weight but thats what stopped me from it….ok…so today the goal is to try and get under 2000 calories…i dont care if i eat 1999 as long as i dont go over 2000 calories ya know? so ya…

so tonight is the night when i start the demolition in my apartment….or aka the cleaning of my apartment!!!

ya…every time i deliver pizzas at dominos i look in peoples houses when they open the door…i know its silly but i love to do it….ive noticed that people who are very proud of their house will purposely tell you to step in or they will delay paying me…like they will answer the door and leave their money on the kitchen table and will run and get it while i get to check out their really awesome house hahahaha….so anyways…i do it….and im like dang how to people keep their houses and apartments so clean man!!!!!!!!! i wish i could….i have all sorts of nice things in my apartmnet but it loks like im a collector of crap when you come into my house because i have soooo much stuff sitting out on the dining room table and the coffee table and the floor and the kitchen i wont even talk about the kitchen…i think im going to take some before and after pictures of the apartment so yall can see just what im talking about haha! and im going allll out….im getting things from closets and organzing them so i will have more room to store stuff….and im going through all of the stuff in my kitchen and the stuff that i dont use very often is going to my moms house because i dont have room for it here….and im going to get alll of the clothes i cant fit into or just wont wear and take em to the goodwill….and all that good stuff….ive got lots to do buddies! welp i work 3-930 tonight and its already 1:20 and before work i was gonna get some panera bread…so i should probably get ready now for work…ill see you buddies tonight!

ok buddies….today was weird because this is how my day started out…

i was supposedly scheduled to work 830-3 at maui wowi this morning but when i got to work today i glanced at the schedule and saw that i was actually scheduled to work 3-930 and someone else was supposed to work the day shift…so she came in and we were like uhhh…..ya this is dumb….so i left and she stayed and so i slept for an extra 3 hours and then went to work at dominos from 4-8…so that was weird…

anyways…i had a ham and cheese sandwich, a handful of grapes, a chicken quesadilla from taco bell…2 tomatoes…half a slice of angel food cake….and right now i have roasted onions, green peppers, zucchini, squash, and potatoes in the oven….it smells yummmy!!!!

after i got off work at dominos i wentto work out…i didnt wantto at all but my boyfriend made me feel bad about not going…im glad he did though because i burned 650 calories from doing the elliptical for 48 minutes!!!! yay….i wanted to stop sooo badly at 25 minutes but i just kept pushing myself….im so proud! yay!

im going to try not to count calories all this week and see if that works better for me…i think i start overthinking everything when i count calories….and sometimes its for the better and sometimes its not….so we will see how this works out for me…im just going to eat sensibly!

welp tomorow i work 3-930 and then im coming home and starting some deep cleaning on my house….it needs to be done sooo badly!!!!!!its disgusting and my moms coming over thursday so i definitely needto clean it…thats motivation fer sure cuz she will kill me if she sees how dirty it is now haha…

welp thats all for now buddies…hope you had as good of a monday as me!

bye bye!

welp buddies…i let myself get a little out of hand this weekend and it put me back into the 250s and im angry!!!!!!

yes…i ate pizza friday night, more pizza saturday, and then i had cake and cheesy bread and an italian sandwich from dominos sunday night…i did absolutely awful…oh ya and a chick fil a chicken sandwich and large waffle fries too!

yikes!

ok…so i weighed in this morning at 250.5…I hate the 250s and im soo mad about it!

welp i gotta go to work now…i have to work maui wowi from 830-3 and dominos from 4-9…ugh! do i ever get a break…my last day off was lasttuesday and i dont get another day off til this thursday….and i have soooo much to do…i have to clean my apartment and do laundry and grocery shop and all sorts of stuff on thursday…oh and i have to teach my mom how to use a computer too haha….thats should be interesting!

welp im bringing a ham n cheese sandwich, grapes, and carrots with lite ranch to work with me so i should do pretty good while im at maui wowi….but thats all i have planned out…oh well im gonna do good today no matter what…thats fer sure!

welp have a great monday buddies!