arli

welp…when i went to my second job yesterday i had already consumed a little over 1400 cals…i did not eat a thing while i was there but i brought home two soups…beef barley and broccoli cheddar and neither one of those were the healthy choice…yesterday we had ginger butternut squash soup and a vegetarian spicy black bean chili that would have been healthier for me and a lemon lentil yummm….but…of course i picked the two i really wanted to eat and brought them home and ate them….then i had a sandwich with just 2 slices of cheese on it…geesh…ya real healthy arli and then for a snack i had some fried peanuts that you can eat shell and all….they were deliciousness….grrrr….but its better than my snacking from the other night…id say each soup had 300 cals in it…so theres my 2000 cals i was trying to stay under…then my cheese sandwich was 280 cals and fried peanuts probably 200….so i went 480 over my goal….argh!!!! see i should have never eaten that 500 calorie wrap…im so mad at myself for that…but yet proud that i didnt go too overboard because lets face it i was eating 1000 calorie or more meals before…when i took my little break…and was probably consuming about 5000 cals per day with snack and sodas! and candies!

so anyways…..this morning i was supposed to take a shower before work but i was wayyyyy too tired after my 13 hours of work yesterday…so i am just gonna be stinky today….i got to work and made a smoothie with my own fruit and just a touch of the store’s banana smoothie mix….just like 3 oz. to make it smooth….so it consisted of 3 oz. banana smoothie mix, 1 banana, and 8 strawberries and bunches of ice…it was sooo good and just under 200 calories and it was big! like 18 oz. so thats awesome! and it has made my tummy happy because its not begging me for more food…cooool!!

welp i gotta work another 13 hour day today…im at maui wowi from 830-3 and then zoup from 330-930ish if not 10…i get paid from maui wowi today and realllllyyyy hope its close to 300 bucks….man do i hope so…i have to pay 150 in bills…and the rest is alll mine…but i gotta go to red lobster with my mom this sunday and i dunno if im payin or if she is or if we are paying for our own meals….now that i get paid every single friday its sooo much easier to manage my money because i only have to wait a week til i get more extra cash…i love it!

well i have plans for my foood at work today….i brought another smart ones at 240 cals, i had some crackers and cheese at 6 am when i work up from my cousins baby making noises and that was 130 cals, an orange at 60 cals, some cinnamon applesauce at 100 cals, and a cinnamon raisin bagel again at 270 cals….that adds up to be 990 cals before i head off to my other job….and i never get the chance to eat there anyways and i dont get a break so i wont be eating til after 10 when i get home and i am going to try my darndest to just eat a greek salad and baked french fries and maybe a ham and cheese sandwich…i dunno yet exactly but i wanna keep it under 2000 cals today for real…no jokin around man!

well it seems to be quite steady in the shop today and its taking me forever to write this blog so i think thats all i have to say anyways….ill talk to yall lata!!!!!

have a great friday and gooood luck!

so here are my totals yall

tahitian vanilla chai - 200

bagel - 270

apple - 70

jello with fruit - 80

wrap - 500

smart ones futtucine alfredo - 240

orange - 60

1420 total

those are just calories im not worried about fat and fiber right now….so ya….i ate a lot of foood today at work…its cuz im sooo bored!!!!!!!

i really could have done without that wrap but oh well its over now and i must deal with it

man my hands are dry and itchy and its cuz of the cold weather and i use those pwdererd gloves at zoup and it irritates my skin…dang it hurts!

welp bye bye now!

welp…the title is there because thats what i just toasted for a customer at work and it smelled delicious and now i have to have one hah

anyways…yesterday was going soooo great until about 9:00 pm and then i just started eating everything in sight….it was all healthy foods but i stopped calculating my cals and was just eating toooo much…

i counted up to 1690 and then i probably consumed 1000 in about an hour….i had a salad with feta, olives, onion, and greek dressing,2 servings of baked fries, some almonds, and more olives, and some more rice snacks…grrr!!!!!

THEN my boyfriend came over because i decided i was gonna be too tired to go see him last night….and he brought me some chocolate covered pretzels and marshmallows from walmart!!!! i was like what why?  but he didnt know i was on a diet…oopsy.

oh well…so,…ive decided that since im gonna be having a birthday dinner at red lobster this sunday and a family bday party this sunday with my favorite cake in the world….this is my pre-diet hahahaha!!!!! have you ever heard that excuse for doing badly…wowzas! and just for the record…i call eating healthy a diet…no im not on low carb diet or weight watchers or anything…i just call when im eating better and watching what i eat a diet..k

anyways…so this week im just trying to get myself used to counting cals again and eating healthier…portion control is not my worry yet…not til im ready!

i work at zoup tonight and i know im gonna want some soup and sandwich or salad….but im gonna pick out something nutritious…cool…i work both jobs today, tomorow, and saturday…im gonna be putting in 36 hours in 3 days…man o man i love having jobs and getting paid but boy o boy am i gonna be exhausted on sunday!!!!! but i have two days off in a row! how amazing is that? i hope yall know its AMAZING!

so today i have had a cinnamon raisin bagel, no cream cheese or butter…and an apple and a bottle of water..cool!

off to working!

okay…so i was inspired by nancy’s blog about how much people suck at jobs haha…so i have a tresponse…well a rant of my own anyways….so here goes!

ok…i dont know whats wrong with people where they have to be told more than twice how to do something or just being told to do something….i know that they know what they are supposed to do and they are just being too damn lazy and letting it go so that i can do it…but at both of my jobs this happens allll the time…mostly at my new job at zoup!….maui wowi this is improving bunches actually…so this is mainly a zoup complaint.

first of all every time i get to zoup i get there at about 4 pm and the morning shift is all just standing around having themselves a nice little chat while i step in and look around and see like 5 things that could be getting done but they are just leaving it for me and my night crew to do because they feel they have worked enough….okay….so that pisses me off…our soups are our main thing at zoup…we have to make  sure that they look very presentable…so if a skin forms on top of the soups then they havent been treated like they should and if theres crusty nasty build up on the sides of the pot then they once again have not been cared for…and every time i get there the soups are all very low and they all have skins and they all have build up on the sides…and heres the morning crew standing around laughing and blah! it just makes me soooo amd because that takes a lot of time and being a night crew shift leader i need to do way more things when i first walk in the door besides getting shit done that the day crew hasnt gotten done…URGH!

okay…and here goes the rant about my pay with zoup!

well…when i first had my interview i told the woman that i wanted to be a manager or shift leader or whatever….she said that she had many other people apply for the position of manager and she would have to decide between us…okay…so first day of training me and 2 others were pulled asied and told that we were chosen to be shift leaders…we werent pulled aside by the owner but by the corporate trainers that came to train us from michigan…or somewhere like that…anyways….i assumed we would get paid more than the others because we did more training and were taught how to manage the money and how to do inventory and i was given a key and the security code and code to the safe…so of course anyone would assume that you were going to get paid more…so i was sooo into this job and was putting my best foot forward and was really trying to impress…okay so we are open for one week and suddenly the day crew shift leader decides to walk in on my night shift and hand over his key and tell me hes quitting because hes not getting paid extra for the work hes been doing and he feels like hes in a mess and getting cheated basically….so i was like this has to be a misunderstanding so i called my manager and asked her what was up and she said that she informed me in the interview that she would decide who she wanted to be a shift leader after 90 days….and im thinking ya ok she definitely told me that but….shes already decided who she wants to be a shift leader and has already got me doing the job…so i say that and she was like “you want a raise after one week of work and thats not gonna happen and i told you all about this and you are still in a learning process” so i am ANGRY to say the least…

i understand if we were still training and learning…but the learning and training process is kind of over…i mean…she already leaves the store and leaves me in charge of her store…i already do inventory on soups every night…i already count down drawers and fill out paper work and deposit money….i already delegate duties and make sure that everyone is staying busy and i already am put in the computer as a manager….im already doing the job…why does she need to wait 90 more days to give me my raise…im not letting this happen to me and she will be hearing from me time and time again until she either fires me because shes sick of it or gives me a raise…because i dont let people screw me over and i know im worth more than she apparently thinks i am!

ok…..and to nancy…i think that people are doing these things because they can get away wth it….and i know that you know you could probably get away with it too but you have better work ethic…these poeple get in a rut and they are not motivated to get out of the rut but guess what…deep down inside they are probably always fearing for their job…thinking i really need to step it up even though they dont act like they are fearing for it i bet you they are….and guess what…you dont have to fear for your job and that right there is way better than anything ever! especially in this economy…and karma will catch up to them…its inevitable…so sit back relax and watch it unfold!

ok…so this morning i was supposed to be at maui wowi by 8:30 and i totally slept til 8:20…when i realized id overslept i popped outta bed…threw on a head band…and my clothes of course…grabbed my purse and keys and was in my car by 8:23…then i got to work by 8:43….so it wasnt too bad i just hate rushing…and usually i dont leave the house til 8:10 and i actually sit in my car until 8:35 when i get to work anyways because i listen to this radio station in the morning that does a culture quiz…for example todays question was “1/3 of guys think its really cool when a woman does this…what is it?” and i always have to wait til i hear the answer or else i cant go through my day haha….and usually it takes a bit for the answer and i dont actually clock in at my job til 8:40 anyways…so ya…..the answer to the question is “belches” eww..haha…i must be the coolest of cools hahahaha.

so anyways…i grabbed a smart ones dinner from the freezer this morning in my rush to leave…i really wanted a ham n cheese sandwich and some veggies and an apple or orange but i just didnt have time to do all that…darnit!

so i made myself a tea at work…its about the loest cal drink i think ill be able to enjoy here even at 100 cals…its just a freshly brewed black lipton iced tea with .5 oz. of raspberry syrup and .5 oz. of candied orange syrup….each oz. of syrup is 100 cals….its pretty delicious…and for the rest of the day i will just have water….im really going to try my darndest to do a good job today like the good ol days…i hope i can hold up….

im gonna be going to my boyfriends house to spend the night tonight and maybe i will make us a scrumptious low cal meal…perhaps some roasted carrots and/or potatoes and some lemon garlic herb chicken breasts and some salad….perhaps! it sounds delicious but he doesnt get home til 11 from work…dangit! i just remembered that… nevermind that! hah!

so i got 7 hours of sleep last night and youwould think id be good this morn…but i still feel really groggy and sleepy…maybe i will take a nap…but then again i probably shouldnt because i work both jobs tomorow which means i will be working from 830 am til 930 pm with just a one hour break in between…..so if i took a nap after work that means i wouldnt be able to fall asleep til real late tonight which means i wont get much sleep for my 12 hour day which means…bad! hah

welp…i guess i should work now…. bye yall!

okay so i just wrote a blog yesterday (monday) about how im ready to get back on track and im gonna stock my fridge with good for me foods and all that good stuff….now here i sit… 1:30 am Tuesday night/Wednesday morning….with a full belly because i overindulged….okay so i made chili last night and tried to make it healthier by not having so much meat in it or noodles….i did this and ate 2 huge bowls with crackers and cheese on it…wow…how ridiculous am i…and then this morning i finished it off before work and i also ate some rice snacks…then i went to work and brought home some italian wedding soup with turkey meatballs and a wrap with chicken, caesar dressing, parm cheese, and tomato….geesh…then that wasnt enough…so i ate tortilla chips with cheese melted on top and an apple and some olives and some more rice snacks and some almonds…omg!

when does this addiction stop?

welll…im just gonna let myself do what i do….and continue to write about it because i feel i get somewhere when i at least write about it and stop acting like it never happened…its a lot easier to pretend im fine than to write about how not fine i am hah.

ok…so i may not have the most inspiring blogs around but at least im getting out how i feel…whether its feeling shitty or accomplished or wonderful or whatever it may be….it may take me longer to get back into the swing of things than i thought…but if thats what it is then thats what it is…

oh…and tracey went home on the biggest loser tonight….i was quite happy about that…because she just got on my nerves and it wasnt because she played the game it was because she lied to people and won over their trust….if you know you are there to play the game then flat out say it but you dont need to betray peoples trust…and also…playing the game the way you did wasnt exactly the smartest because playing the game got you sent home whereas if you treated people the way youd wanna be treated you may have stayed longer,….duh….not rocket science lady!

ok im done with that….but i was shocked at how much more weight she lost at home…she looked amazing!

welp….let me start out by saying I have gained five pounds…I am very angry at myself for this happening again…im over it…i eat pizza as a meal at least 2 times per week….i snack on potato chips and tortilla chips with dip…ive been drinking regular sodas….not even diet…i havent been drinking much water at all…i feel dehydrated…i feel like shit….and im the worst stress eater ever…i use food to help me with my stress and i do it subconsciously….until im not so stressed anymore and then i dont need food as much and then i realize that all this time i was eating crazily and now that i have enough money to pay bills and still have some fun then i dont need food as much…is it bad to wish that i had a different addiction…like i was watching sex rehab with dr drew last night and wished i had that addiction instead of foood but im sure they wish they had food addiction instead of sex im sure…i dunno…its all just a vicious cycle…and im so sick of feeling like crap…and the weird thing is…im almost comfortable with my weight lately but i just feel like crap all the time….like i have no energy at all and when im done eating im like dead because i ate so much……..grrrrrrrrrr fooooood!!!!!!!!

ok…so lets catch up…

i no longer work for dominos…now i have a job at a place called Zoup! which serves soups salads and sandwiches….they have lots of healthy soups to choose from and healthy salads and i can make up my own healthy sandwich because they dont have any on the menu that are healthy…i mean they are healthy compared to a big mac but you know what i mean…anyways…its delicious…and i get half off my meal for working there….im excited abut everything….im getting the hours i need there and at maui wowi…im paying bills easily and having money left over to buy groceries and see movies and stuff like that….so i do plan on going grocery shopping after work today and stocking up on some fruits and veggies which have been lacking in my diet badly lately and i need to stop buying sodas and just get water….and i need to eat some chicken….yummmy…chicken….and i need to use my crock pot more so if anyone knows of any crock pot meals that are wonderful let me know….ya…ive been working a lot lately….i have worked 12 days straight now and have another 7 days this week….needless to say i need a damn day off…that will happen on november 9th because it will be my birthday that day….yahoo…big 23!!! haha…ok…and not that anyone really wants to hear this about me but when i am not on my birth control pill im really really really really overly horny hahahahaa……does anyone else have this happen to them?  my birth control pills seem to control my hormones to the point where sex isnt that big of a deal…i mean ya every once in awhile im like man i need sex but most of the time im just like sex…its good but i dont have to have it…..and when im off my pill i want sex always…i think about it a lot more and i even look at other people and think i want to have sex with them altho i never would because i have my wonderful boyfriend…but u know….

ok…welp thats all there is to say right now…

so far ive had a bottle of water today and a wheat bagel with lite cream cheese…ill be counting my calories today…and will have totals later….see yall! its good to be back

welp the title says it all…thats what i ate last night for dinner…it had to have put at least one pound on me…eeek!

i sauteed garlic in butter with some red chili flakes….then i threw in probably 3 cups of cooked thin spaghetti and tossed it all together and poured it into my favorite bowl and i buttered some dinner rolls threw em in the oven and then buttered em some more when they came outta the oven…wow….i probably ate 1/2 stick of butter all by myself…omg!

then if that wasnt enough i made rice krispie treats…now i did not overindulge in those because if you know me sweets arent my thing…i usually only eat one serving of those…but pasta is totally my thing so i almost always over indulge…oh well…its over now.

this morning i have had a tea with orange and raspberry syrup from work in it…but only 1 oz. so thats not terrible and i had 3/4 of a plain bagel with 1/2 of my cream cheese container…its real small….like 2 tbsp…..and a small rice krispie treat…i brought my lunch to work today so that i wouldnt be starving by the time i got home….its one of those fresh mixers from healthy choice with the pasta and marinara that you cook with a microwave…hopefully its tasty…its got 300 calories and 7 grams of dietary fiber which im a fan of…so i want to like it!

ive been stressed out with money again lately and wish i would  be able to get more hours at maui wowi…but i know dominos and maui wowi both will start picking up in the fall and will be slammed in the winter so maybe i should enjoy this time right now…but its hard when you have so much debt…ugh…what have i done to myself…o well…i saw a sign at a tire store yesterday that said…”once you realize youve dug yourself a hole..the first step is to stop digging” and it spoke to me when it comes to my debt….its like i keep using my credit card on little items and pretend that its nothing but it turns into something when you use it on little things 5 times a month ya know?   so ive decided to stop digging…so i can slowly get out of the hole…i know its gonna take me about 5 years…but im ok with that…and soon i need to decide what i want to go to school for….either realty, business, or food service management/culinary arts…i want to be a realtor badly but i dont want to get into a career that i wont be successful with…which is possible with the market how it is now….the practical thing would be business and thats what my mom thinks i should do….and then the culinary arts/food service management is what i ve wanted to do for soo long but i know the lifestyle i would live with that career and its not what i want….i want to be able to spend time with my family once i create one and with that you dont get much time……

ok…so soon im going to be back to counting calories, fat, saturated fat, and dietary fiber…and im going to get strict again and thats probably going to be when the biggest loser starts…because its my motivation…make fun of me .. criticize me…whatever…thats what gets me on track…its silly but it does!

welp i guess i should do some stuff at work even though theres a very limited amount of what needs to be done so im trying to hold off on it til the last hour so it will go really fast…blah…good day buddies!

welp…it is 9:45 am on Wednesday September 2.

I woke up this morning feeling kind of excited about life and even excited about coming to work today…it is weird how it is like that sometimes…but its like i can do the same things every day of my life….like wake up in the mornin and listen to my favorite radio station on my way to my maui wowi job and get to work and brew coffee and put little umbrellas into lids and take half of the straw wrapper off the straws and keep things clean and brew espresso and be nice to my customers and serve them proud and bla bla bla…some days i dread every second of it and some days i have such a wonderful outlook on my day…i dont know what it is that makes those days good though….o well…

welp this mornin before work i went to mcdonalds…great idea eh? i got a sausage mcgriddles with cheese 2 hashbrowns and a diet coke…has any one ever noticed that their diet coke is better than any other diet coke or is it just me? anyways….i ate every morsel…and now i feel sick and now my wonderful outlook on my day doesnt exist…dangit! its all mcdonalds fault!

also i counted my calories on it and it added up to 770 calories…omg!!!!!!!!! thats insane! some people eat breakfast from there everyday…770 calories in their first meal of the day everyday…thats nuts….

ok anyways…im making myself accountable again…even if im doing terrible im putting my calories up on here…welp…ill talk to yall later…i gotta work til 4…and im going to be soooo bored! the mall is dead lately….and we are located in the mall….so that means were dead!

ok…see yall!

its been almost a month since ive last posted but it feels like a year…

i weighed in the other day at 247.9 so that made me feel a little bit better about things…but i have not been healthy at all…ive not been eating my fruits and veggies and have resorted back to eating out and eating pre made freezer food…i have taken alll of that hard work and reversed it…luckily i did not gain in the process but i have lost some of the habits that i gained in this process and i am deeply disappointed in my self…and no matter how many times i get on here and tell yall that im ready to be a loyal buddyslimmer and an obese girl who is going to change her life around…it never seems to work out that way and so im just not going to say that anymore.

im just going to live my life the best way i can…and blah

ya right even that statement was a lie because the best i can do is eat healthy and exercise and who knows when my ass is going to get back into gear and do that.

i did see the biggest loser preview the other night and i got extremely excited…i would really like to get back on track when the biggest loser starts because it motivates me weekly to stop being lazy and get active…i am pretty sure that i will definitely get back to it by the time it starts…yay

also the other day i went to a bridal shower with my mom and grandma and my grandma asked me if i lost weight and i said yes and she said how much and i said a little over 20 and she said “well i thought it was at least 20″ so i was excited about that…yay for people noticing…thats always my favorite thing about losing weight is seeing my family after i havent seen them for a few months and they tell me i look good…cool

ok…well i also have a wedding to go to in october and i have a goal to lose another 8 pounds by then…so hopefully that will get me going to have a goal like that!

OH YA I FORGOT TO TELL YOU!

When i started this journey i was wearing a size 24 jeans and the other day i bought 2 new pairs of a size 20 jean!!!!! i was so happy it was ridiculous!

okeedoke…so i got everything out that i wanted to get out…im at work right now bored to death…but i guess ill get back to work and be productive now!

oh and my fruit flies are gone after way too long…but oh well they r gone and thats what matters…!

and i cant wait for fall because it is my favorite time of the year and it makes me realllly happy….the other day we had a glimpse of fall and i was so happy…i opened all the windows and i got some candles with fall scents…like pumpkin spice and mulled cider…and my house felt breezy and fresh and yay!!!!!

i dont like summer….i like fall and winter…im strange but oh well…i dont like heat and humidity and i prefer cloudy breezy warmish cool days….awww…fallll