arli

well buddies…if you dont already know…i live in indiana and am a huge indianapolis colts fan…so of course i was happy about them going to the superbowl…i thought for sure we would win since we have experience in the superbowl but new orleans kicked our assssss!!! big time!

i couldnt even feel the intensity of the colts energy or anything this time…it was alllll new orleans…i swear they already knew in their hearts they were gonna win…they were making such gutsy plays and stuff….at least we won to a team who hasnt won a superbowl yet…and a team who had TONS of heart and who made some amazingly courageous plays….im happy that we lost to new orleans and not to a shitty football team who plays dirty….(like jacksonville…sorry to any jaguars fans out there but ya) haha…

welp buddies i went to the store yesterday and bought some pineapples, strawberries, blueberries, pears, and minneola tangerines…yumo! i havent eaten a piece of fruit in over a month…i know its terrible…i know…u dont need to tell me haha…when i bit into that fresh pineapple it was like…HEAVEN! fruit is my favorite and pineapple is my favorite fruit…but its gotta be fresh..none of that canned stuff…fresh pineapple seriously is the best thing thats ever grown on this planet haha…its so freakin delicious…i would pick that over a brownie or a cookie any day of the weeek…even over ice cream! im crazy bout pineapple yall!

well my mommy called me tonight and she was going on and on about how i cant waste my life away and i have a whole bunch of potential and i need to go back to school…and i mean she has told me that many times before but lately i really really really do agree with her…im ready..its my time…i can even tell when i go to work that i am not that into what im doing anymore because i know its a dead end road and im pretty much at the end now…its time to get serious and work towards a better future…im also still very very excited about my gym membership…the 15th is takin awhile to get here yall! (and no im not procrastinating about it im waiting til the 15th because then i dont have to pay an 89 dollar fee since its past the 1st half of the month…and if you know anything about me…you know i am short on moneys and will do anything to save a buck lately)

welp…i must finish doing the dishes…i made the kitchen look like a tornado went through it tonight because i rushed myself making tater skins and banana pudding for the superbowl party i went to tonight and now i gotta clean my mess up before my boyfriend gets home and sees it haha…yikes!

later buddies!

im down in the dumps… ever since i weighed in at 248 the other day i didnt actually believe the scale so i weigh in every morning now to see what it says and every morning it gets to be a larger number…this morning it was 259!!!! i cant believe my eyes! its motivating though i will tell you that much!

i watched the biggest loser last night…i havent seen very many people talking about it this season…but ima say some things right now…

spoiler alert!!!

sooo…i liked brown team and i have hated red team ever since that woman denied throwing the weigh in…we alllllllll know that she did…i dont care how much she says she didnt…i will always question her authenticity now…it pisses me off that they stayed and brown team went home….im so absolutely upset over it because he has been working his ass off and he has wayyy more weight to lose…im just so sad for him.

i am happy to see that sunshine is back just because shes so young and sooo beautiful and i want her to be confident in herself….but the other team i liked too…i wished the other team could just take red teams spot haha… but oh well…and heres something i wish that the biggest loser would do more of….i know they do their little trainer tips and stuff but i wish they would just tell america that weight loss is a simple concept….burn more calories than you take in and you lose weight, simple as that…there are sooo many people out there that do not understand the “science” of weight loss….and just as jillian put it….thats why she will never be able to believe the red team because its an actual science…there are things that inhibit some people from losing weight but that red team lady doesnt have anything wrong with her….because she lost 11 pounds in a week…we can all see that its obvious that she threw it but yet she thinks that if she sounds convincing and gets upset and cries that she can act stupid…apparently even she doesnt understand the concept of weight loss either

i dont get it!

3500 calories equals a pound….burn 3500 calories more than you take in…you will lose a pound…simple as that…and if you dont then there is something wrong chemically in your body or something has happened to make that happen….if you lose 11 pounds in a week its gonna be hard to believe that there is something wrong inside your body that caused you to gain one pound one week and lose one pound the next week….HELLLO! JILLIAN IS NOT FREAKING STUPID!

okay im done now haha…i had to get that out yall its been drivin me crazy!

ok…so…to tabb…i am starting the gym probably on the 16th or sometime around there…i am so motivated and cant wait to start working out again…i know for sure that once i start workin out again it will also make me want to eat better…i have a problem and that is….i always try to go 100% In all the way! you may think to yourself that this is not a problem but it is…its very hard for me to just make small changes…if im not fully devoted to something and am not doing it with alll my power then i dont do it at all most of the time….ive been trying my very best to make small changes but i feel like…this small change isnt gonna matter much in the long run and so then i just go back to the way it was before….i do it allllll the time! so…having my gym membership back is going to help me with this because just dieting and not working out doesnt work well for me….because always in the back of my mind im saying to myself “well you arent working out anyways right now….so if youre not in it all the way go ahead and have some pizza” or just whatever…im negative…so now i will be back to positive…and i will be counting my cals and recording and posting as often as possible like i used to do! i miss that! i miss weighing food and measuring it and preparing it with very little fat and feeling good!

ill be back sooner than you know buddies…full force!

for now i will really try my best to make those small changes and do what i can! and clean the house while watching tv instead of just lay and watch it and park further away from buildings and use stairs instead of elevators and all those good things! I will TRY!

ok…so sonic is like my fave place ever!

this morning i wanted to go there so badly before work…i was even in the turning lane to go into the parking lot of sonic…and guess what!?!? i totally got out of the turning lane and kept on trucking towards my work! yay for me! im so proud of myself!

and today all ive had is a muffin and a smoothie…muffin is 550 cals and smoothie 400 cals….yes those are terrible amounts of calories but tonight i plan to have a salad and soup from work and thats it! nothing else….so i will be okay!

its pretty much official also…we are joining the gym i wanted to go to! im very excited about it! we wont be doing it until after the 15th though ebcause then we dont have to pay for that month at all so ya! when the day comes that i can join the gym…everything gets serious! like i will be calculating everything and weighing everything on my little food scale and stuff…so im excited! i just need to save up some money to buy groceries that are goood for me!

yay buddies! im ready for this!

so me and my boyfriend looked at gyms again tonight…this time we looked at the one he was looking to go to…the reason he wanted to go there was because they had boxing equipment, however, when we toured the gym it wasnt what he was hoping for…which sucks…

but then we went to take a second look at the gym i fell in love with and i love it even more now…every time i go in there i just feel like thats where i belong…i want to go there sooooo badly!

if my boyfriend is up for it i will pay for his membership since he is paying for my rent and everything….so he cant complain about the membership fees…because they are pretty pricey! 83 per month for a couple membership…sucks but oh welll … i figure i probably spend that much on fast food every month and if i could just eliminate the fast food i can use that money and put it towards making myself healthy!

i want this oh so badly buddies and i will keep you updated on what we decide!

im wayyyy excited to get started and hopefully it will happen soon!

so this morning i was really freakin hungry for some reason….so of course what did i resort to….fast food!

again and again and again and again!

im sick of it…im sick of it being cheap…im sick of it being convenient but most of all im sick of the way it makes me freaking feel!

i am tired of feeling like crap every time i eat it!

i feel defeated…i feel like it controls me and i know that i am better than this…ive boycotted it for awhile and it made me feel great! i would eat salads with fresh strawberries and a nice sharp blue cheese or gorgonzola with it and cucumbers and red onions and almonds…and then i would roast vegetables in the oven with fresh herbs and olive oil and i would snack on dried fruits and nuts and would drink lots of water…and man did i feel great…i had more energy than ever before…i felt amazing! and i lost weight!

sooooo…what the hell is wrong with me right now!

i dont understand it! how can i go from being so sure that i can do this and this is the time i will go all the way to where im at now again!?!?

buddies im struggling

ok yall so this is what i had yesterday

chix nugget 235
ranch 100
fries 540
red bull 110
tea 100
smoothie 75
chick tortellini 400
veg wrap 500
2 sourdough rolls 340

total 2400

sooo…thats not too shabby considering im 400 under my goal!

and guess what…i weighed the other day and im actually at 249 which is really weird because i thought i was at 255 last time i weighed…geesh….i dunno how that happened but im cool with it!

okay so for probably almost 2 years now i have noticed that my foot hurts! on the top of my foot where the ankle meets the foot…it has been getting worse to where i have to limp at the end of my 12 hour days and i always just thought it was because i was a big woman….but nooo…its because i think i have a stress fracture…does anyone know what im talkin bout…has any one had one before? what did you do?

welp…i was told to get an ankle brace, elevate my foot above my heart with ice on it every night or as often as possible….and it should heal in time but i should really be off of it as much as possible…its really hard for me to do that with all the bills i have to pay and such…its almost impossible for me to be off my feet because my jobs!

argh!

today is really boring at work…i have had 2 red bulls and a little bit of a mocha banana smoothie…im so hungry and bored!

i have been trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life…i really really really want to be a realtor!!!! reallly badly!!! however i have heard that you need to have money to start out as a realtor…i mean i know you have to take courses and pay for a license and all…but what other money do you have to have? i dont know….so i think i am going to go and interview a realtor or job shadow them or something and figure out more about it before i jump into anything.

also business administration interests me but im not sure if its as interesting as realty to me!

i like to do too many things and when it comes to my jobs…i have lots of confidence…so i never think about not being able to do something….i can do anything i want to do…but money is where the line gets drawn! i cant afford certain things ya know? and guess what!!!!! i totally just got a loan with my bank to pay off alll my credit card debt with the exception of my walmart credit card, gordmans card and best buy card….walmart i owe around 400 on, gordmans 100, and best buy almost 1000….but!!!! gordmans i can pay off in 2 months, or less…walmart in 5 months, and best buy is no interest til may 2011 so im good there….i have plenty of time to pay that one off…..sooo ive totalled everything up and im 10,000 in debt….but now im cutting all my cards up and am working on paying this debt off buddies! and it feels good to know that only 9 % of my money i pay on these loans is going to the bank….because before it was 22% going to the card companies…which is insane!

welp im done with this blog..ive got a lot on my mind as you can see! its soooo hard to cope with soooo many things that are going on right now! i dont even know what to do with myself!

see yall!

okay…so yall know how im gradually cutting calories each week and this week i am supposed to be getting under 2800 calories every day…should be really easy to do obviously because its a lot of calories…so yesterday i got 2735 calories…and i didnt even eat much sadly…its because i had starbucks and wendys…not good…but as i said…im going for less than 2800 so i still got my goal. i had a muffin and a cupcake and an apple chai infusion from starbucks and from wendys i had a spicy chicken sandwich, spicy chicken nuggets, medium fry, and large regular coke….see if i just would have gotten chicken nuggets only and a diet coke and small fry i could have cut out a lot of calories…no its not the healthiest meal but its better than what i did do…also at starbucks i shoulnt have gotten the cupcake…it was nasty anyways…really not a good cupcake…the cake was not moist…it was dry and not very sweet at all…and the icing was not very creamy…it was just not good…yet i ate it anyways cuz i spent 2 bucks on it…

yes i know some of you are probably appauled that i would allow myself so many calories buti just want to do this slowly…

next week i will probably allow myself 2600 and the week after 2400 and then the week after that 2200 and then 2000 and then from 2000 calories i will start dropping by 100 calories each week until i get to 1600 or 1700 calories per day…

whichever one is manageable for me…now…this does not mean i wont have any bad days…im very aware that there will be days when im just like i dont care and i eat whatever…everyone has those days but i am going to shoot for the calories im telling you im going for ya know?

i honestly think that for me this will be a much easier way for me to get back into the groove of things….i always jump in head first and cut about 1000 claories out of my normal diet every single time i do this….i dont think its the way i should go about it…so we will see how this goes

welp it snowed last night and today we had lots of wrecks because no one was prepared for it and there was more ice out there than what people thought thered be and everyone wrecked geesh…it was a mess this morning coming to work with all these cars blocking streets and such

so far today i have had a red bull and a tea with raspberry and orange syrup in it..red bull is 110 cals and the tea is 100 cals…im really hungry but i dont have much to choose from at my work for eatin…just cookies, muffins, bagels, and we have some wraps but i dont like em very much….so i will wait until i get to zoup tonight and will get a low cal soup and sandwich and maybe a salad…i usually really hate working double shifts but i feel good today because i had two full days off friday and saturday, worked only 3.5 hours sunday and then was off all day monday….it was wonderful…im very well rested….but will also be missing that money…oh well…

my mom let me clean her house yesterday to earn 50 bucks! it was awesome….shes one dusty woman i tell ya…geesh that house was a huge dust ball! and i still didnt finish it all…there are corners of the ceilings with dust still and curtains with dust haha….maybe i can go finish some other things for more money…thatd be nice

welp…i will post how many calories i got total either tonight or tomorow…it would be really cool if i got way lower than i am shooting for…i think today would be easy to do that since i am not gonna eat at maui wowi today…just at zoup…and we do have low cal soups that are really delicious! so ya…

see yall!

omg buddies…yesterday me and my boyfriend went to a gym to see how it was and the price…its 83 per month for me and my boyfriend both…so 42 dollars each…it has a whooole bunch of cardio equipment all of them have tvs attached to each macdhine…which is all i could ever ask for…because then i could watch whatever i want and workout at the same time…this means when i would usually be layin on the couch watchin the biggest loser i could be working out and watching it…omg i want to so bad…i mean ive been to a gym before where there were tvs way up on the wall…but it always felt akward to look up so high and workout plus some people would be watching what they wanted to be watching and i wouldnt be able to change to what i wanted sometimes…but now i have my own personal tv on every single machine…u dont understand how important that is to me!

and then also they have a pool….and by the way the gym including the pool is 24 hours and this pool had 3 or 4 lanes in it so you can just swim laps….i LOVE to swim and if i could be swimming at 2 in the morning whenever i want that would be wonderful…omg yall u have no idea how much i want it!

ok…but as soon as we leave there yesterday my boyfriend said he hated it and i said i loved it….he wants to go to this other gym that has a boxing room or whatever…and the gym we looked at yesterday didnt…now…if this other gym had tvs attached to the cardio equipment i would be ok with giving up the pool….but if it doesnt have a pool or tvs…i dunno what i should do…i know for a fact that i would be much more likely to go workout at my gym…but i also know that my boyfriend wants us to workout together…and yes i want to go with him to workout too but what good is that if im going to hate where im working out at? ya know…i dont know what to do…also its hard for me to say hey we should go to the one i like when hes paying my rent right now while i pay off credit card debt….because the one i like is more expensive than the one he likes…ya know? sooo…i feel bad.

guys! omg! my dilemna!

ok well guess what…im a HUGE football fan and of course i live in Indiana…so you know who my team is…COLTS BABY!

sooo…they are playing in the playoffs today and belive it or not i actuallyam putting off working at zoup tonight so i can watch the game…i am going to go in after the game but we close at 7 and i wont even get there til around 6…but i have to be there to do my night time manager work…man what a manager i am…i dont come in cuz i wanna watch football…pitiful geesh! oh well haha! i love my colts!

o and yall know how i was writing down my food intake without changing anything yet..and counting my calories?….well i dont think some of my buddies liked that idea…but it is my body and it is what i wanted to do…and i did it…and the calories im usually getting in a day is right around 3200 without changing any eating habits so my goal for the week starting monday will be to get 2800 or less…that is 400 calories less than usual which is do-able…i will be lettin u know my calorie counts for the week again…at the end of this week im going to start trying for 2500 or less…and then we will go from there…

i know not everyone agrees on how to lose weight…which is fine…being different is what makes the world go round right? but this is how im tackling weight loss! and i like it!

ok yall…talk to ya soon

ok so today i have eaten the following

red bull

banana nut muffin

chocolate coconut latte

jalapeno pringles

tortilla with cheese and pico de gallo

3 celery stalks with peanut butter

golden grahams with milk

I do believe thats it…so far…

i do take your comments to heart to all of you who said i should not wait to make changes til sunday…however…i already have my mind set on figuring out my avg calorie intake without making any changes so that i can start this upcoming week by reducing my calorie intake by a certain amount each week…

i understand where yall are coming from and i do appreciate that you care enough to let me know how you feel.

unfortunately…i do want to try this…its something i have yet to figure out…i seriously have no clue how many calories i get per day when im not thinking about it…and i need to know in order to make changes successfully…

welp im watching jersey shore…got a headache…and have cramps…so ima get up offf here now…i will figure out my calories for the day tomorow

ok so tuesday and wednesday i worked my 13 hour days…today i just work 830-3…so i get to go home at 3 and have time to myself! thank goodnesss!…im cramping really badly this morning and am in a bad mood….you know what time it is..

so here are the calorie counts for yesterday

banana nut muffin-440
red bull-110
16 oz. broccoli cheddar soup-580
raspberry tea-150
rigatoni rosa (fazolis)-750
1 garlic breadstick (fazolis)-150
1 pepperoni pizza slice (fazolis)-310
1/2 c. regular coca-cola-80
cali veggie wrap-500
total-3070 calories

yep….i think its almost harder to sit here and count my calories  and no how terrible im doing and not do something about it…its like every day i want to start making changes but i really do want to see what i would normally take in without thinking about this stuff….but definitely by sunday i will start making changes and im actually really excited about it…i will really get excited when summer comes around because i LOVE fresh fruits and veggies from farmers markets and such…im going to do my best to be a vegetarian and eat more organic foods..i know i said all the same things last summer…but it is what it is haha.

im trying to find the gym thats right for me but everything is just sooooo expensive! especially since i need one that is open 24 hours…i dont always have time to go workout during regular hours so i need that option…i want to make the most out of it.

the place i used to go was extra small and was 30 dollars per month but it was 24 hours…and it was right around the corner from my apartment and there were big ol tvs right in front of the treadmills and elipticals so i would go there right when my fav shows were gonna be on and would listen to it through the radio station on my headphones….it was a great way to make sure i worked out for as long as i was wanting to…and when commercials came on i would go into super fast mode and go at the most intense level i could until the commercials were over.It was a wonderful routine…how do i always start soooo good and then fail!?

its like i can give people good advice all day on how to lose weight and such but then when it comes to myself i just cant do it! i mean i can lose weight dont get me wrong…and i know how to…its just that i dont know why i cant stick to it!!!!!!!! ugh!!!!!

anyways…my ankle/top of my foot has been hurting badly…especially when i work my 13 hour days…because im usually on my feet for ten of those hours…maybe being as big as i am that strains it…i dunno…but its like really bad pain at the end of the day…its terrible…and if i need to get up and go to the bathroom in the mid of the night…i almost fall because when i put my weight on my feet its THAT bad!

Man i need to do something yall!